In a Funk

I've really been avoiding this and really debating if I should even type it. But I'm gonna be brave and do it.

I've posted in the past about my experiences with medication. Medication for moods and such. I have bipolar tendencies but have never been fully diagnosed as 'bipolar'. I was on meds after Mercury was born then uped the meds after Neptune was born. I developed a potentially life threatening rash from the med after being on it for over a year and had to go off cold turkey. My dr tried some other meds but they all made me so tired that I eventually went off them all together and have been med free for months. I was doing very good, so I thought. But I'm starting to lose it again. I cry all the time over nothing. I feel myself withdrawing from everything. From people, my hobbies, everything. I'd rather sit alone infront of the t.v. and do nothing. I can not take care of my house and just looking at the laundry makes me cry. I yell and scream at my kids for pretty much nothing. And Mercury has gotten completely out of control. He feed off my moods and gets very nasty when I have a bad day. So he's a little hellion right now which does not make things any better. I feel like I'm sitting outside my life watching it go by wishing I could change everything I'm seeing. So my mom convinced me to go to my dr again. I have to do something. I'm not looking forward to being on meds again. I wish I could just be normal. But it's not fair for my kids to have to deal with their lunatic mother either. And I want to enjoy the things I normally do. So I see the dr on Friday and hope she can get me on something I can afford that can snap the life back into me. I am really on a low right now. Really bad. So if I disappear for awhile, I will be back. Just need to get some meds in me.

Wait...He's How Old?

In an hours time

# of times pulled Neptune out of fridge - 12
# of times pulled Neptune off of counter - 8
# of times fished Neptune out of toilet - 1

going out with adult women this weekend - priceless

Too old to act so young

So I had a rare night out with adults this weekend. My parents had Mercury and Neptune stayed at daycare over night on Saturday. Jupiter and I went out to dinner and to the bowling alley with my bff. Her 'date' was supposta meet us there, but stood her up. So since she was driving herself, I felt it my duty to get wasted for her. It was a big sacrifice. Really.

OMG it was fun. I looked like an idiot. Good times. Untill about 5 am when all the beer caught up to me. What the heck was I thinking? I don't drink anymore. I'm a mom I don't get to be irresponsible. And now I know why. Finally today I think my stomach had returned, but my head...oh my head. I think that was the last time I will ever do that. Seriously, why did I used to find that so fun?

He's 2

I can't believe my baby is 2 today. I love babies. I miss having a baby. But I love my boys. It melts my heart when Neptune looks at me and says, 'Pay (play), pweees (please) Mama.' How can you say no to that? He is such a sweetheart.

Looking back, I can't believe the ride we've been on to get here. The blood sugar problems. The breathing problems. The asthma. Him being sick and on antibiotics for over half his life so far. The being almost totally deaf. My boy is a fighter! He is no longer deaf, his hearing is perfect thanks to a wonderful dr. He can breathe and does not turn blue when I lay him down anymore, thanks to another wonderful dr. And he has only been on one antibiotic in the last...I can't even remember how many months. It used to be days. To this I thank God. My sick little boy who'd sleep in bed with me every night while Jupiter slept on the couch, just so I could listen and make sure he was still breathing, is a big healthy boy now. I thank everyone who's prayed for him during his surgeries and trips to the ER and blood work. And I thank God every day for giving Neptune to me. It's been a struggle at times, but we've made it. He's a *mostly* very healthy little boy and one of the two biggest joys of my life.

Happy Birthday Baby

Disclaimer

So I got an interesting piece of news yesterday at church. Seems they are doing something new with announcements at the beginning of service. Seems they also need more workers in the Preschool area. Guess who's in preschool? Mercury. Guess who they've picked to interview to get people interested in working back there? Mercury. Now I'm very flattered (and believe me Mommy Pride is huge) that they picked my kid to interview out of all the others that are back there. They seem to think that Mercury is the most vocal and the funniest kid to talk to. So believe me I have a big head right now. But I also let them know in no uncertain terms do I take any responsibility for anything that comes out of my kids mouth! lol. Thank goodness it's all pre recorded. At least someone was thinking here!

Michigan

The Automotive Industry. Need I say more?

We've already been cut back to four day work weeks. Then I found out today we will likely be closed the whole first week of February (this after being closed two weeks in December) and we are all taking a pay cut as of February 1st. Yea things are looking good. Can you hear the sarcasm? Sorry if I'm a little down lately. Jupiter is self employed and we rely on my income to pay 99% of everything. I'm not in the best mood right now. I guess I better start saving up now for that pay cut next month. Ugh.

Please Check This Out

The prematurity thing on my sidebar from the March of Dimes. I learned about this from The Adventures of T & Super B. And Neptune was also a preemie. He was a lucky one. He had some breathing and lots of blood sugar problems in the hospital, but we only had to stay one extra day and my dr refused to discharge me until Neptune was discharged. So we had a very easy ride as far as prematurity goes. I do have a friend who just recently had a baby at the same number of weeks that Neptune was born at and her baby died in the hospital. So I am very thankful for what I have. We need more research and funding for the March of Dimes. So please take the time and sign the petition.

Surgery and Christmastime

Here's poor little Neptune before surgery. Poor kid had no idea what was coming to him! He got up and went to the hospital with me and was in a great mood. The nurses just totally fell in love with him. The weather was awful, but we made it and were even there a little early. It was nice having the first surgery of the day 'cuz everyone was on time for the most part. It was very quick and uneventful. The dr came to talk to us afterwards. The poor kids nasal passages were more than half blocked by adenoid tissue. He's going to be able to breathe so much better. I can't imagine dealing with asthma and that on top of it!

After surgery he was obviously not feeling as wonderful. In fact he's had a much much harder time getting over this than Mercury did. And that amazes me. I thought Neptune would be the tougher of the two. The dr finally today agreed to call in a narcotic for the poor kid. We've been alternating Tylenol/Motrin every three hours and that only does the trick for two out of those three hours. And nighttime...is a nightmare. He's up every two hours screaming his fool little head off. We'll probably only use the prescription stuff at night, and I sure hope it helps.

When we got home from the hospital I set him down so I could go to the bathroom. Well he decided he was
gonna get up and walk. Poor kid
was still so doped up he fell into a
dresser and bruised his head. The cut under is eye is something his brother helped him out with the day before. Nice, huh? Anyway, I was so looking forward to a nap with Neptune before Mercury got home from daycare. No such luck. Neptune waited until Mercury was home, then passed out on the living room floor. Thanks kid. How come I always get screwed?

As for Christmastime? I learned an important lesson this year. No matter how strange a present is that ends up on my kids list to Santa, I must listen. Mercury had put a telescope on his list to Santa. I kinda blew it off. Till yesterday. 'Santa' sent him a video email and mentioned that he was sure Mercury would get that special present he had asked for. When I asked Mercury what that present was I was informed it was the telescope. What 4-yr old asks for a telescope? I asked Mercury what would happen if he didn't get it from Santa. He looked at me with all seriousness and said, "I would cry".

Well guess what kid? Santa didn't get you a telescope! So I've had this huge internal battle all night. Do I hunt down a telescope on Dec. 23rd or let my 4-yr old be disappointed on Christmas. Am I spoiling him if I get one? I wrestled with this all night. And I was up basically all night 'cuz Neptune was screaming his head off. So this morning I start searching the Internet and calling around to stores. 'Cuz if I'm gonna do this I'm not getting a 4-yr old some $70-300.00 telescope. That's for darn sure. Well my SIL suggests calling Dicks Sporting Goods. I now owe my life not only to her, but to that store as well. This morning...that's right this morning they clearenced a bunch of telescopes down to $20.00. So I called Jupiter and he ran right over there. The thing comes in a case with a stand and a microscope. Mercury is going to be sooo excited come Christmas. Now I'm sure it's not some extremely powerful telescope, but it will be more than enough for a 4-yr old.

So what did I learn this year? PAY ATTENTION! lol

This Time Tomarrow

My house will be adenoid free! Both kids will have had their adenoids removed. The hospital finally called and Neptune is to be there at 6:45 am. He is the first surgery of the day. I don't like getting up early, but I'm glad I wont have to deal with a hungry kid for hours and hours.

The crappy part? We're supposta get a huge winter storm tonight. I'm hoping it's like the last one we got. I hate driving in the winter and I have to drive in the morning. Our last one was only like 8 inches. I can handle snow. It's the ice I'm terrified of. I've been watching the weather 3x's a day for almost a week watching this storm play out. That's how much I hate ice! And as of last night it looks like the ice will stay south of us. So this huge storm they're predicting is hopefully only gonna end up being 7in by morning then another 7 by bed time. And if you were born and raised in Michigan as I was, you know that's nothing to worry about. So I'm hoping they are right about this and we just get the snow and no ice.

Wish us luck and see you on the other side of surgery!

Let's Think Outside Ourselves, People

It's Christmas. Look around. See that person that needs help. The elderly widow across the street that needs her driveway shoveled. The single mom with a small child. The lonely college student that can't make it home for Christmas. See what you can do for someone else today.

My girlfriend confided in me this morning. She told me that in her 20 years of raising her children (she has a 20 yr old daughter and a 4 yr old son) that NO ONE has ever offered to take either child out to buy her a Christmas present. Not that she wants or needs a Christmas present. But children should be able to do that for their mother. Don't you think? So this year, let's not just assume that someone else is doing it. Let's do it ourselves. K?

Surgery? Again?

I knew it was coming. I did. I'm just surprised at how fast.

Back story. Neptune was born a month early. He had blood sugar problems in the hospital and we had to give him glycerin water quite a few times. He had breathing problems while in the hospital and was monitored very closely. He had to stay longer 'cuz here in this part of the world, he was considered premature. I had a wonderful OB (well I had a midwife, but she could not do my delivery 'cuz Neptune was premature) that wouldn't release me from the hospital until Neptune was released. And for that I am eternally grateful. At three days old Neptune had his tongue snipped. He was born tongue tied. At one week old he had his first ear infection. From then on he had 'on average' one ear infection a month. He was tested at 11 mo old. He was almost totally deaf from the infections and fluid in his ears. They put tubes in three weeks before his first birthday. Five days later he started walking. Two weeks or so after his tubes were put in he had another ear infection. Since then (January of '08) he has had 5-6 ear infections. With tubes. He just had another one about 12 days ago. I took him back to the ENT today and they are going to take his adenoids out. Mercury had his adenoids out last November ('07). He had chronic adenoid infections. He was on an antibiotic every other month or so in the winter since birth. In the past year since his surgery, he's been on one antibiotic. It's been amazing! So yes, I am a little bummed my baby has to go through another surgery, but I am so very hopeful that this one will correct the ear infections. I feel so bad for that poor kid. His ears have been infected almost as much as they have not been infected during his almost two years of life. He's very sensitive about people touching his ears. I really pray this fixes things for him.

The ENT wanted to wait until his next ear infection and then schedule the surgery. But as we talked, he realized what a help it had been to Mercury to have this surgery and with Neptune's past, it was bound to happen at some time. So he let me just go ahead and schedule it. He had wanted to give me time to get used to the idea of my 'baby' needing to go under the knife again. But once he realized I knew it was coming and was as o.k. with it as I was going to be, there was no need to put it off. So next Friday (the 19th) is the big day.

And us, well Mercury started us off in October of '07 with the first of our family's surgeries. Since that one, this next surgery will put us at...6 surgeryies in just over a years time! But I'm glad to get this one in before my outpatient co-pay goes up next month!

The Terrible Two's

I have a toddler for sale. Heck, you can have him for free!

I did survive the terrible two's once already. I'm sure I did 'cuz I'm still here and so is Mercury. I'm afraid I'm not going to fare so well this time around though.

Neptune has hit them full force. And he doesn't turn two until next month! It hardly seems fair I have to deal with this now. He went from super lovable, good natured baby to tyrant over night. I had no warning. I kept waiting for it to wear off. And it's not. Which leaves me with only one conclusion. We are in the deep, dark, stinking hole of the terrible twos. Hey, at least I appreciate Mercury much more now. His temper tantrums seem like a fly buzzing around my head compared to the hammer bashing my toe every 3 1/2 minutes of the day, that Neptune's feel like.
He hits, with a fist. Not an open hand. Where did he learn that? He pulls my hair. He bites any exposed flesh he can find. And there have been a few times when I have turned my back on him he's ran up and bit a butt cheek (love that he's tall enough to grab that part of me and bite). Now if that isn't lovely in public! Remind me, just how long does it take for them to grow outta this phase? 'Cuz I don't think I can make it much longer.

Please, send alcohol and chocolate. For me. Not the kid. Thanks.

What Makes You YOU?

What Makes Me ME?

1. I am not very patient

2. I like to know what' going on. I'm a planner

3. My husband is not. We fight about it constantly.

4. When I find a pair of pant I like, I will wear them until the last piece of thread falls off them.

5. My children are my life

6. My children drive me absolutely batty

7. I LOVE homemade hot cocoa. It's the best stuff on earth.

8. I am a baby when my throat hurts.

9. I require a nap almost every day. It may be only 20 min. But I need it.

10. I would walk through fire for my family and my friends. You mess with them, you mess with me.

11. My favorite season is Christmas.

12. I like being outdoors much more now than I ever did as a kid.

13. I can lose myself in a book and am sad when it's over. It's like my best friend just left.

14. I love animals. Especially horses. But I've never owned a horse.

15. Italian food is the best. Pasta is my comfort food.

16. I love to cry at movies/books/ t.v. commercials

17. Coffee is a drug to me. And I am addicted.

18. I hate being cooped up in the house for too long

19. I'm a very social loner. lol

20. I love my make-up

Bye-Bye Menopause

For the time being at least. Not that I didn't love the hot flashes and sleepless nights. But I'm ready to get back to my life. A life that still excludes Aunt Flo for the time being though! Woohoo. How great is that? No hot flashes and no Aunt Flo.

Yep I saw the dr again today. I'm done with Lupron. Been on it for six months. Can't do any more. So I'm coming outta my lovely state of medically induced menopause. But the dr still doesn't want me to have a period for another six months. So I get to take continuous birth control for six months. Woohoo! He did give me the option of removing all my womanly parts. But at 28, I'm not ready for that. Yes, Jupiter is fixed and we are not having any more kids. But still...I'm not ready for there to be no chance what so ever. So for now we do birth control. After my six months is up, I have to go back to letting Aunt Flo visit me three to four times a year. Oh the horror! lol

Grasping

Why is it that Christmastime doesn't seem nearly as magical now as it did when we were kids? I'm very excited for Christmas morning, but I'm more excited about the days leading up to Christmas. I want my boys to learn about what I feel Christmas is really about. I want them learn to enjoy the season, the shopping and giving to others, and I want them to feel peace. Do you think that's too much for a 4-yr old and a 1-yr old to grasp? Probably. 'Cuz I feel like I'm grasping at straws here. Mercury and I curl up on the couch with hot cocoa almost every night and watch a Christmas special on t.v. I love the time with just him. This is my favorite time of year. I just hope I can teach them to love it for the same reasons I do.

Have You Ever

(Bold the things you've actually done.
1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland/world
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Gotten flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

stolen from http://leeandjordan.blogspot.com/ Check them out. They're pretty cool. Hope she doesn't mind!

It was MY day

Do you hear me? MINE! I called it (childish I know, but I don't care at this point). I was sick...am sick. Horrid stomach issues. Well, I've been spared from the diarrhea thank God. But for two days straight I've felt like I wanted to ralph the entire contents of my stomach and then some. And I still mustered enough energy to take my children to Crazy Bounce on Saturday (you know one of those bounce house places with the massively huge slides). BTW, do not try going down those slides when your stomach is in knots. They are not your friend. So I called Jupiter who was out of town on business and said I was spending Sunday in bed. That was that. So he gets home around 4am Sunday morning. Neptune wakes at 7ish. Who gets up with him? ME. Who takes care of the kids all day? ME. Who does the laundry, dishes and feeds the kids? ME. Who does bath time? ME. What did Jupiter do? He layed on the couch. Oh he did get up and finally do half a sink of dishes and he did make some rice for the two of us. But that was it. When do I get to be sick? I never get to lay around all day when the kids are home. No matter how sick I am...or what surgery I just had or what child I just gave birth to. What is it gonna take for me to get a day where I have to do nothing?!?

They Should Warn You

Who is 'They' exactly? I'm not sure. But someone should warn you. Those baby dolls they give out in health class that cry, they just don't cut it. 'They' need to make a doll that will run away from you and hide while you're shopping at Walmart. And make the doll able to hide so well that you have to get employees to help you find your child and call a Code Adam. Then laugh and think it's funny that they ran away once you have them back and are crying and trying to teach them a lesson.



'They' need to make a doll that will (when you think you're finally cool and have got the kids under control 'cuz the oldest one is now on a leash in Walmart) grab a bottle of dish soap while your back is turned and down it like a bottle then scream, gag and foam at the mouth. This causing all the other shoppers to stare at you like you've committed some heinous crime while you quickly pay for your groceries and high tail it outta there only to sit in the parking lot on the phone with poison control.



Then...'They' need to make a doll that will poop through its diaper and clothes not only when you're on your way out the door to school (see yesterday) but also (repeatedly) at three in the morning so you have to change p.j's and bedding and do a load of laundry in the middle of the night.



Then you need to go to work the next day smelling of said poop even though you've scrubbed and showered many times.



After all this, if you can handle it, you may be ready to try parenthood.

Poop

Literally.

I have never seen so much poop or seen it spread over an entire human being, like the way I saw today.

Neptune must have some kinda stomach bug. Cuz that was the most poop ever. Up his back out his pants through two shirts and up his belly. And of course just as I'm getting ready to walk us all out the door to get Mercury to school. And on a day we're getting blasted with lake effect snow so I need to give myself extra time to get to the school. Love Lake Michigan in the summer when we can be at the beach. In the winter? Not so much. Seriously in all my years of babysitting and raising two kids I've seen some blow outs. But this made them all look like small potatoes. Ick. I may never eat again after seeing that. All I can say was atleast we weren't in the car when it happened. Ohh it would have been bad trying to clean that outta a car seat. Here's hoping for a much less poopy day the rest of today.

Ahhh winter. How I've missed you. NOT!

Neptune outside yesterday. It's the first time he's really gotten to ever play in the snow. He wasn't walking yet last winter and the mean mom I am, I wouldn't let him go crawl around in it.



Mercury in one of his rare (especially lately) moments of cooperation.

The only thing I do like about winter is the comfort food. I LOVE winter food. So here is what we are having this week.

Monday - leftover beef pot pie (home made of course)

Tues - hamburger helper with dinner rolls and veggies

Wed - leftover chocolate chip waffles and bacon

Thurs - (here's where it gets good) Four-Hour Stew

Fri - leftovers

Sat - chili made with sausage and venison

Sun - tacos