Friday, November 21, 2008

They Should Warn You

Who is 'They' exactly? I'm not sure. But someone should warn you. Those baby dolls they give out in health class that cry, they just don't cut it. 'They' need to make a doll that will run away from you and hide while you're shopping at Walmart. And make the doll able to hide so well that you have to get employees to help you find your child and call a Code Adam. Then laugh and think it's funny that they ran away once you have them back and are crying and trying to teach them a lesson.

'They' need to make a doll that will (when you think you're finally cool and have got the kids under control 'cuz the oldest one is now on a leash in Walmart) grab a bottle of dish soap while your back is turned and down it like a bottle then scream, gag and foam at the mouth. This causing all the other shoppers to stare at you like you've committed some heinous crime while you quickly pay for your groceries and high tail it outta there only to sit in the parking lot on the phone with poison control.

Then...'They' need to make a doll that will poop through its diaper and clothes not only when you're on your way out the door to school (see yesterday) but also (repeatedly) at three in the morning so you have to change p.j's and bedding and do a load of laundry in the middle of the night.

Then you need to go to work the next day smelling of said poop even though you've scrubbed and showered many times.

After all this, if you can handle it, you may be ready to try parenthood.

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