In a Funk

I've really been avoiding this and really debating if I should even type it. But I'm gonna be brave and do it.

I've posted in the past about my experiences with medication. Medication for moods and such. I have bipolar tendencies but have never been fully diagnosed as 'bipolar'. I was on meds after Mercury was born then uped the meds after Neptune was born. I developed a potentially life threatening rash from the med after being on it for over a year and had to go off cold turkey. My dr tried some other meds but they all made me so tired that I eventually went off them all together and have been med free for months. I was doing very good, so I thought. But I'm starting to lose it again. I cry all the time over nothing. I feel myself withdrawing from everything. From people, my hobbies, everything. I'd rather sit alone infront of the t.v. and do nothing. I can not take care of my house and just looking at the laundry makes me cry. I yell and scream at my kids for pretty much nothing. And Mercury has gotten completely out of control. He feed off my moods and gets very nasty when I have a bad day. So he's a little hellion right now which does not make things any better. I feel like I'm sitting outside my life watching it go by wishing I could change everything I'm seeing. So my mom convinced me to go to my dr again. I have to do something. I'm not looking forward to being on meds again. I wish I could just be normal. But it's not fair for my kids to have to deal with their lunatic mother either. And I want to enjoy the things I normally do. So I see the dr on Friday and hope she can get me on something I can afford that can snap the life back into me. I am really on a low right now. Really bad. So if I disappear for awhile, I will be back. Just need to get some meds in me.

Wait...He's How Old?

In an hours time

# of times pulled Neptune out of fridge - 12
# of times pulled Neptune off of counter - 8
# of times fished Neptune out of toilet - 1

going out with adult women this weekend - priceless

Too old to act so young

So I had a rare night out with adults this weekend. My parents had Mercury and Neptune stayed at daycare over night on Saturday. Jupiter and I went out to dinner and to the bowling alley with my bff. Her 'date' was supposta meet us there, but stood her up. So since she was driving herself, I felt it my duty to get wasted for her. It was a big sacrifice. Really.

OMG it was fun. I looked like an idiot. Good times. Untill about 5 am when all the beer caught up to me. What the heck was I thinking? I don't drink anymore. I'm a mom I don't get to be irresponsible. And now I know why. Finally today I think my stomach had returned, but my head...oh my head. I think that was the last time I will ever do that. Seriously, why did I used to find that so fun?

He's 2

I can't believe my baby is 2 today. I love babies. I miss having a baby. But I love my boys. It melts my heart when Neptune looks at me and says, 'Pay (play), pweees (please) Mama.' How can you say no to that? He is such a sweetheart.

Looking back, I can't believe the ride we've been on to get here. The blood sugar problems. The breathing problems. The asthma. Him being sick and on antibiotics for over half his life so far. The being almost totally deaf. My boy is a fighter! He is no longer deaf, his hearing is perfect thanks to a wonderful dr. He can breathe and does not turn blue when I lay him down anymore, thanks to another wonderful dr. And he has only been on one antibiotic in the last...I can't even remember how many months. It used to be days. To this I thank God. My sick little boy who'd sleep in bed with me every night while Jupiter slept on the couch, just so I could listen and make sure he was still breathing, is a big healthy boy now. I thank everyone who's prayed for him during his surgeries and trips to the ER and blood work. And I thank God every day for giving Neptune to me. It's been a struggle at times, but we've made it. He's a *mostly* very healthy little boy and one of the two biggest joys of my life.

Happy Birthday Baby

Disclaimer

So I got an interesting piece of news yesterday at church. Seems they are doing something new with announcements at the beginning of service. Seems they also need more workers in the Preschool area. Guess who's in preschool? Mercury. Guess who they've picked to interview to get people interested in working back there? Mercury. Now I'm very flattered (and believe me Mommy Pride is huge) that they picked my kid to interview out of all the others that are back there. They seem to think that Mercury is the most vocal and the funniest kid to talk to. So believe me I have a big head right now. But I also let them know in no uncertain terms do I take any responsibility for anything that comes out of my kids mouth! lol. Thank goodness it's all pre recorded. At least someone was thinking here!

Michigan

The Automotive Industry. Need I say more?

We've already been cut back to four day work weeks. Then I found out today we will likely be closed the whole first week of February (this after being closed two weeks in December) and we are all taking a pay cut as of February 1st. Yea things are looking good. Can you hear the sarcasm? Sorry if I'm a little down lately. Jupiter is self employed and we rely on my income to pay 99% of everything. I'm not in the best mood right now. I guess I better start saving up now for that pay cut next month. Ugh.

Please Check This Out

The prematurity thing on my sidebar from the March of Dimes. I learned about this from The Adventures of T & Super B. And Neptune was also a preemie. He was a lucky one. He had some breathing and lots of blood sugar problems in the hospital, but we only had to stay one extra day and my dr refused to discharge me until Neptune was discharged. So we had a very easy ride as far as prematurity goes. I do have a friend who just recently had a baby at the same number of weeks that Neptune was born at and her baby died in the hospital. So I am very thankful for what I have. We need more research and funding for the March of Dimes. So please take the time and sign the petition.